i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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