I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
