Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
