in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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