Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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