we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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