man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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