belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
