I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
so much tequila, so little girl.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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