we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
