if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
