he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
