My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
