No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
