one might say we're banned from that church
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
