i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I could fuck to npr.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
