On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
