exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
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So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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