first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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