just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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