I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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