life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
