I just pynch a tree in the face
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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