Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
