she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
