Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
