Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
