conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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