I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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