Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
