So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
