either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize