you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize