youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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