I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
