took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
