If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
