grandma shit on top of the toilet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just pee around me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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