Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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