i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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