I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
