I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
