ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
