I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
