onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
