Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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