I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
