we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
