You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Send help, water and tortillas.
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