There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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