We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
