broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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