when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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