Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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