we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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