hotel room ftw
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
