Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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