mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
