Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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