he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
