was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
