In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
