This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
