are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
