I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
