I'd wear matching sweaters with you
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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