i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
where are my eyebrows?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
