I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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