He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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