so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i was born a porn star she said
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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