Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
