I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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