come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My life is pants optional.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
