so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
