Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
