If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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