i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
