Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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