After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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