i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
