just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
