im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
