Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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