you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
