when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
