He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
